


Father, I-

by Axierie



Category: HIStory3 - 圈套 | HIStory3: Trap
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, because I felt like this scene needed more, slight angst, very indulgent fic written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-13 17:32:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19255903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Axierie/pseuds/Axierie
Summary: It’s a tragedy, the way our story goes:Maybe,Perhaps,Almost.-if it’s love, it must be more than most | p.d———An introspection into Tang Yi’s feelings during and after the graveyard scene.





	1. Quietly

**Author's Note:**

> Set during the graveyard scene as Tang Yi was visiting Li Zhen Jie’s grave. Because I felt like a lot more could’ve been done with that scene, and its a shame the writers wrote over it so quickly. And also, angst never hurts. Link to the tumblr post that inspired all of this here: https://lostcap.tumblr.com/post/120379329033/its-a-tragedy-the-way-our-story-goes-maybe

It's raining, when Tang Yi finally pays his respects to Li Zhen, no, _his birth mother_ , in a graveyard, alone. Shao Fei had offered to accompany him, but he had waved him away with the promise that it would only be a quick trip, that he would come back home soon. It didn't help that Shao Fei, already exhausted from this weeks events as well as having _sustained_ a bullet wound to the shoulder, had been placated easily with a soft kiss from Tang Yi, almost putty in his arms before he left.

 

 

Tang Yi's heart twists in guilt, both from the pain he had caused Shao Fei this entire month, as well as some regret for leaving Shao Fei alone in the too big bed of his suite. Bowing his head, he quickly wished a soft goodbye to Li Zhen's gravestone, along with a promise to take care of the junior she had so lovingly brought up in place of her son.

 

 

The crunching of leaves behind him alerted him of a new presence approaching, and an umbrella was held over his head, shielding him from the bitter cold of the rain. He turned around, fully expecting to see a worried Shao Fei pestering him on what was taking him so long, except-

 

 

In place of Shao Fei's grinning face was a somber figure, dressed simply in a black suit with eyebags to match. The signature scar under his eye had only grown prominent with the grim pallor of his skin.

 

 

Chen Wen Hao.

 

 

" _Your father_ ," a voice unhelpfully chimed in his head, vaguely reminiscent of Shao Fei's own. Steeling himself , Tang Yi turned away, eyes hard as he neatly stepped out of the umbrella proffered to him. The rain was lessening anyways, and the sun was peaking from behind the dark clouds. Behind him, Wen Hao approached Li Zhen's grave, umbrella long kept away as neither of them needed it anyway.

 

 

Tang Yi strode forward. The conversation happening between them wasn't meant for him, and closer he approached the side of the graveyard, as the sun broke through the dark clouds. His relationship with Chen Hao was... complicated. Shao Fei had obviously taken a liking to the man, judging by the way he had tried his best to reconcile the two but Tang Yi... hadn't felt ready.

 

 

He didn't know what to say or act around the other, and the tension was always thick whenever they happened to meet. Tang Yi had spent a better part of his life chasing after the alleged murderer of his adoptive dad, only to find out that not only was he severely misunderstood, he had found his birth dad in what was quite frankly, the worst way possible. At least they weren't screaming each other anymore when they met, and no thinly veiled threats had been made since the... incident.

 

 

He still remembered how Wen Hao's face had fallen, when he screamed at him that he had no dad except for Tang Guo Dong, and that had been true. At the time anyway. Looking back, he had to admit it was too harsh, but the realization had hurt Tang Yi too much, the revelation that his life was lie clouding his brain and pushing out all rational thoughts in his head. Logically, Tang Yi knew he should apologize, but he couldn't. The words would be stuck in his throats everytime they met and Tang Yi would leave with another silent promise of "maybe next time," fragile and easily broken.

 

 

"Your mother was a good person."

 

 

Chen Wen Hao's rasp broke Tang Yi out of his thoughts. In surprise Tang Yi whirled around to face him.

 

 

"She was always so bright, always helping people around her and to this day I will never understand what she saw in me. Perhaps it was pity that brought her to me, or she saw something in me that I couldn't see myself." A pause as Wen Hao chuckled lightly. "I don't know why she chose me. I was broke back then, and while other people were giving their significant others bouquets of roses, chocolates and purses, I could barely scrap enough to offer her a single flower."

 

 

Chen Wen Hao's gaze had softened, wistful, talking about Li Zhen. His shoulders were slumped, unguarded, and there was a small smile lifting the corners of his lips.

 

 

"But she was so happy, when I presented her with it, with a grin big enough that almost washed away my embarrassment for only giving her a single rose."

 

 

Chen Wen Hao finally turned to meet Tang Yi's gaze.

 

 

"I don't know why she lied. But I know she had her reasons, even if I didn't understand it at first."

 

 

By then, Chen Wen Hao held up a cigarette, free hand patting around for his lighter, before Tang Yi silently handed him his lighter and a silent nudge to continue. When Chen Wen Hao took the lighter, he turned it in his hands, and that soft look appeared, just for a moment, before he lit his cigarette with a practiced flick. On Tang Yi's outstretched palm, he dropped the lighter.

 

 

"You're exactly like your mother you know? Stubborn and strong willed."

 

 

Chen Wen Hao took a long drag, exhaling the smoke as they both watched it curl up into the cool damp air. With hooded eyes, he looked at Tang Yi, and he seemed to hesitate before saying:

 

 

"Don't ever be like me. Let go of your past regrets, for in the end it will only trap you in its snare."

 

 

With that, Wen Hao pulled Tang Yi into a bone crushing hug, and Tang Yi let himself be dragged into it, confused. Chen Wen Hao's shoulders were shaking, his hands grasping desperately into the material of Tang Yi's suit, while Tang Yi could only stand, numbed, arms held limply by his sides.

 

 

" _Apologize now!_ " The voice in his head was growing louder, a deafening crescendo in Tang Yi's head as the hug dragged on. But the words would not come, even as they clogged his chest and scraped at his throat.

 

 

"Its such a shame, that the three of us had to gather like this. Your mother would be very disappointed in both of us."

 

 

The words were whispered in his ear, and before Tang Yi could process its meaning, he was pushed away forcefully.

 

 

"Go now, can't keep officer Meng Shao Fei waiting, right?" The words were spoken with a tone of finality, something like acceptance behind his words, and Tang Yi watched him take another drag of his cigarette. Briefly, the image of Tang Guo Dong, in this very same position, leaning against his car flashed past his eyes, but was gone like the wisps of smoke in the air. Chen Wen Hao didn't even look at him, choosing to stare at the setting sun.

 

 

Heavy, Tang Yi turned and left, footsteps echoing in the silent graveyard. He walked up the stairs, body hollow and did not turn back.

 

 

When the gunshot rang throughout the cemetery, Tang Yi paused. Something in his heart broke, and suddenly emotion was pushing against his ribs, he chest hurting from containing the sudden onset of sadness taking over him, drowning him. 

 

 

The sobs force their way out of his throat, ugly sounds that sound almost inhuman. Tears stream down his cheeks as he collapses on the shockingly cold stairway, legs unable to carry his weight further. His hands fly up to muffle his cries, and his shoulders are shaking from the force of his guilt. Fingernails digging into his palms, making a bloodied mess in his effort to keep himself together. He didn’t even manage to apologize.

 

 

Its raining again, when Tang Yi finally falls apart in the graveyard, alone.

 

 

_In this lifetime,_

_I've done many regrettable things,_

_The only thing I don't regret,_

_Is loving you._

 

 

A bouquet of white carnations and tulips, adorned with the deep purple hyacinth laid against the stone, protected from the heavy storm.

 


	2. When the Skies Clear

“Tang Yi.”

 

 

When Shao Fei enters the room, its nearly pitch black. The curtains had been drawn shut, not even a sliver of moonlight piercing through the thick curtains. Shao Fei had to admit that he had returned home at a late hour, but usually Tang Yi would have at least his desk lamp on, as he tirelessly sorted through the last of the documents need for the legitimizing of Xing Tian Meng’s business. Keyword being _usually_.

 

 

It was a drawback of being a cop. When Chen Wen Hao’s suicide had been reported, the frantic buzzing of his cellphone had roused Shao Fei from his slumber. The current staff shortage, especially after Captain Shi and Ah Zhi’s departure rendered Shao Fei’s presence absolutely critical,even though it was his off day, having been unoffically named acting captain as the most senior member of their little team.

 

 

It was with an unwilling heart that he had left the cocoon of warmth he had made in Tang Yi’s- no, their bed, and upon hearing the details of the case, he had resented it even moreso. Initially Shao Fei had been wanting to quickly assign the roles for his members and leave as soon as possible, but one thing led to another with various complications arising, leaving Shao Fei coming home just as the clock struck midnight.

 

 

It had been a long day.

 

 

“Tang Yi? I know you’re here.” 

 

 

Reluctant to turn on the lights, lest he break the serene environment, Shao Fei had turned instead to open the curtains, letting the full moon filter through the windows. And what he saw broke his heart.

 

 

There was a distinctly Tang Yi shaped lump under the covers, and Shao Fei hastened to get closer, before slowing down to a stop and just..stare. The room was unusually silent, save for the whirr of the AC, but there were uneven breathes originating from under the covers. Gingerly, Shao Fei lifted the covers.

 

 

Tang Yi looked like shit. His eyes were reddened and puffy, the bruises under only accentuating his bloodshot eyes. His hair was damp, matted against his forehead, dressed in the suit he had left in when he was going to visit Li Zhen Jie’s grave. Above all, he was shivering, lips pale because his clothes were sopping wet when he finally collapsed in the bed after his breakdown in the rain.  The sight tugged something at Shao Fei’s heartstrings and it _hurt_ , seeing his usually strong and confident Tang Yi looking like this. A broken man. Softly he raised his palm, settling it against the back of his boyfriend’s neck as he sat on the bed, combing throught the unruly strands. All this while, Tang Yi had merely stared at him, gaze dead like the black of his irises.

 

 

“Tang Yi, let’s get you into the shower okay?” He murmered.

 

 

With a soft “Mmph”, Tang Yi had gotten up with barely a fuss, letting himself be dragged into their bathroom. He had melted into Shao Fei’s side, quietly letting himself be undressed by the other man and merely watched as Shao Fei ran the bath, filling it with warm water. When Shao Fei helped him in, sighing contentedly as the warmth enveloped him, chasing away the permanent chill that seemed to have settled into his bones.

 

 

After settling Tang Yi, Shao Fei got to work, running water over Tang Yi’s head and then massaging his shampoo into his scalp, washing away the day’s grime and dust. It was a comfortable silence, broken only by the sloshing of water and Tang Yi’s appreciative sigh as Shao Fei worked the knots out of the back of his neck. He felt he could melt right now, sink into the comfortable warmth and just let himself be taken care of. It felt nice, domestic even, except for the underlying guilt Tang Yi felt, hard and unable to be soothed away by Shao Fei’s gentlest touch.

 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

 

The officer merely hummed, a silent sign to continue as he continued his ministrations on Tang Yi’s back, pulling the tension from his body, bit by bit.

 

 

“I don’t know what to feel. I’ve spent almost four years chasing after Chen Wen Hao, thinking he was a murderer, hell bent on revenge and then suddenly I wasn’t,” there was a pause and Tang Yi closed his eyes as Shao Fei washed the shampoo out of his hair.

 

 

“I felt like I had been thrown into the end of deep pool, when Tang Ye died. Suddenly, I was alone again, in this world, tasked with Hong Ye’s safety and Xing Tian Meng’s future.” This time, Tang Yi looked up, meeting Shao Fei’s gaze evenly.

 

 

“I hated it. Being responsible for the lives of people I barely knew. Taking over a position of power that many had eyed and gaining so many enemies because of it. But I could never resent Tang Ye for that. He brought me up, celebrated my first birthday, had given me a place I could call _home_.”

 

 

The word “home” was spoken harshly, but Shao Fei could see Tang Yi’s eyes turning misty.

 

 

“I think that why I’ve always hated Tang Ye, just a little bit. Because he had given me a taste of home, and then he left.” It was spoken with such longing, a deep hurt underneath all of it and Shao Fei realizes that this is Tang Yi, bearing out his heart, laying out his deepest wounds.

 

 

“But there isn’t a point in resenting someone dead. Instead, I turned it all on Chen Wen Hao, because he was there, and it was so easy to blame him. And as the years pass by, the hate in me only grew, to a point where it was unfathomable for me to even think about forgiving him.”

 

 

Tang Yi let out a bitter laugh, the sound sharp and unnatural coming from him, jagged at the edges.

 

 

“And then this hate eventually trapped me, encompassed my very being and took over my will to live. Tang Ye was gone and suddenly I had nothing to live for, except to deliver my revenge.”

 

 

The laughter turned choked, and tears threaten to fall from Tang Yi’s eyes, his heart so full of emotion he had only felt once before. He had to force the next few words out, feeling them scrape against his throat, unwilling to be sounded out.

 

 

“I hadn’t manage to forgive him, even to the very last moment and now I can’t. Because he’s gone. Forever. I can’t even manage to apologize to my last living relative, my father, and isn’t that just so _pathetic_?”

 

 

Tang Yi’s next words were hoarse, so quiet Shao Fei had to strain his hearing to listen.

 

 

“I’ve just lost my only opportunity to reconcile with my parents,and yet I can’t even feel anything. I just feel so _hollow_.”

 

 

With that, the tears were coming out hard and fast, clouding his vision, heartbreak a vice grip constricting tight around his lungs and _squeezing_. Distantly, he could make out Shao Fei brushing away the wetness on his cheeks and then suddenly the warmth left him. Tang Yi panicked. Was Shao Fei going to leave him, just like everyone else?

 

 

“ _Wait_ -“ he could barely choke out.

 

 

When Shao Fei had turned around, just to grab a towel to dry Tang Yi off, the man in question had grabbed his wrist and squeezed so hard it hurt. Panicked he turned back around.

 

 

“What wrong Tang Yi?”

 

 

“Please don’t leave me.”

 

 

The words were mumbled and _oh_. The words definitely had punched Shao Fei in the chest hard enough to burn, and he quickly whispered assurances that, no, he wasn’t about to leave him, not now, not ever. He had promised to chase Tang Yi forever after all.

 

 

Eventually, Shao Fei managed to get Tang Yi dry and into clean pajamas. Surrounded by blankets he and Tang Yi laid in bed, letting the silence coat the room, choosing instead to just exist.

 

 

“It’s okay you know?” Shao Fei broke the silence.

 

 

“Chen Wen Hao is in a better place now, with Li Zhen Jie. I imagine both of them are looking after you, making sure you will live a long and happy life.” Shao Fei rolled over, backhugging Tang Yi, hoping the warmth of his body could convey what he felt.

 

 

“The best way to say sorry to Chen Wen Hao is to live a long, happy life. I’m sure it was what he would’ve wanted the most.”

 

 

And, almost as an afterthought, Shao Fei added:

 

 

“Li Zhen Jie would’ve been so proud of you.”

 

 

Pressing a kiss to Tang Yi’s back, Shao Fei had thought Tang Yi had fallen asleep, exhausted fron the day’s events to even listen to his ramblings. Instead Tang ayi surprised him by rolling over and curling himself into Shao Fei, like he was trying to get smaller.

 

 

Like he was trusting Shao Fei to protect him from a storm they both knew were coming.

 

 

“It’s raining, outside.” Tang Yi commented.

 

 

Night had fallen and the curtains had been drawn shut again. Although the windows were sealed as tightly as they could be, Shao Fei could still smell that phantom scent of grassy fields after a storm had passed, earthy and full.

 

 

He also heard the unsaid “Thank you.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta-d, but its a scene I wish the series had. No one can bounce back from a death that quickly can they? Then again the series was only 20 eps and I guess they had to wrap it up.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Do I actually remember the sequence of events leading up to that fateful gunshot? Hell nah, but I wanted this scene to have a bit more meaning, rather than being a convenient way to get rid of CWH.
> 
> This is unbeta-d, but I’m planning to write a second chapter at some point with *gasp* actual Shao Fei in it!!!! ( I know, and I’m sorry if I led you on lmao). Otherwise, this marks my first fic after the end of my exams!!! (Even though all three papers were leaked but eh- semantics.)
> 
> Hope you liked this and comments are appreciated~~


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